Easy.
First, collect the following items:
binoculars, a matchstick, ball of yarn, today’s newspaper and a umbrella.
Next, go to a river (alligators are found in Florida and around the CarIbbean, they are not however, crocodiles. Crocs are larger, with wider snouts, and are generally harder to catch).
Camp out in a bush. Open the umbrella. It’s gonna be hot. You don’t want to get sunburn.
Next, read the newspaper. Crocs get lazy sometimes.
When that fucker comes out, generally by the time you start checking out Ballet dates on the Calendar section …
Use your binoculars to spot it and determine your destinace from it, while eyeballing its size.
Roll one spin of yard around your thumb per foot of the croc’s length.
Turn over your binoculars. Peer through it and spot the croc again. It will now appear smaller. Without letting the binoculars leave your eyes, approach the crocodile with your string. Have the match box open and ready.
Sneak up on the crock, tie it up with the string and put it in your match box.
Voila. You have now caught a crocodile.
Yay.
Love,
Dr. Nosebleeds