February 2011
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Byron Scott is looking for a time machine on e-Bay
If there’s one thing he regrets, it’s saying “Yes” before LeBron did.
Byron Scott took a gamble when he took over the Cleveland Cavs in summer of last year.
But like Napoleon Dynamite’s Uncle Rico, Scott is looking for a time machine — so he can relive his heyday as a starting shooting guard for the Showtime Lakers.
The Cavs aren’t even...
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Contrary to prevailing opinions, the Cavs did put...
In the first quarter at least, as Alonzo Gee blocks LeBron James.
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Even the Heat's Mario Chalmers couldn't stand...
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Overhaul? Whatyatalkinabout?
Coming to New Jersey for the first time since the aborted trade talks, Carmelo Anthony showed why the Nets needed him, dropping 37 points in 40 minutes of play.
The Nets’ answer? Empty points, my man, empty points.
The Nets clobbered the Nuggets 115-99, and for one night, showed why they’re better off without Anthony.
New Jersey was so pumped up Travis Outlaw even...
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Remember when James Harrison said ...
“If you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don’t win the Super Bowl. As far as I’m concerned, [President Obama] would’ve invited Arizona if they had won.”
Duh. Proving Harrison isn’t all that smart.
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Good news New Jersey
The Nets haven’t folded against their woulda, coulda, shoulda franchise cornerstone.
Meanwhile, Travis Outlaw, the biggest waste of free agent dollars, just scored 18 points in the first half. The Nets are up five entering the fourth, and win or lose, they’re showing some guts out there.
Unlike the Cavs of Cleveland. Seriously, LeBron should have kissed the hardwood...
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Don't blame 'Melo, Nets fans
We all know GM Billy King dropped the deal on this one. Big time.
And the Nuggets didn’t help by getting too greedy.
With that, we all know Melo is going to be a Knick (or a Bull) even though Amare Stoudamire (and Derrick Rose) don’t want him.
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They'll always have Kris Humphries in New Jersey
January 2011
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Old Man's Game
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This photo wouldn't have made sense in the '80s
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If only regular games were this high scoring
On second thought, Nah. Nice watching hockey running up basketball scores once in a while though.
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Dance Dance Revolution
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Typical see-saw battle
But just an observation: the more Kobe scores, the less his teammates are involved, more the Lakers are likely to lose.
Meanwhile, even Donkey has 11 points for Boston.
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Story of My Life, by Derek Fisher
Reduced to a spectator.
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It's like McHale vs. Worthy all over again
Or more like Mychal Thompson vs. Bill Walton.
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Pierce 30, Kobe 30
Kobe and The Truth playing in your face basketball.
Shaq and Artest giving new meaning to the term in your face: with their ass and hand.
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“I’ve done a good job of not embarrassing myself.”
– Detroit Tigers right hander Brad Penny, on appearing in Dancing With The Stars with fiance Karina Smirnoff.
I can think of worst things Penny’s done in the past couple years that are more embarrassing than shaking his ass to some cha-cha. Like, how about being baseball’s version of the...
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“When I’d see Rocco play when he was very young, I saw Andre Dawson. He had...”
– Veteran Houston Astos scout Paul Ricciarini, on the recently retired Rocco Baldelli.
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The San Antonio Spurs are first to 40 in more ways...
Hurricane Manu and the Old Ass Spurs are playing the best basketball of the season. So much for that Window closing last year. The over-40 Spurs have just broken that glass and scattered the jagged shards all over the NBA.
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"Now they're telling me Four Loko is a banned...
Lame excuse, O.J. Mayo. Lame excuse.
Who gets suspended for 10 days because of a can of gas station energy drink? There’s only one way I’m buying that: if you got gas at Venice Beach.
Meanwhile, explain that tiny bout of ‘roid rage that got your chin slapped around by Tony Allen. Oh wait, you can blame that on lack of sleep. Too much chugging on leaded energy drinks.
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A swarm of Angry Green Hornets are about to swamp...
Please God, don’t let the Celtics be sluggish and old. At least not tonight.
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General Manager Horror Shows Part 1
This list is simple. Five active Major League Baseball general managers who should get fired for ruining their teams and making inexplicable trades and free agent signings.
1) Tony Reagins, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
The tight-knight Angels family had high hopes for Tony Reagins when he stepped in to fill Bill Stoneman’s static shoes. While he started off by overpaying center...
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My only regret ... When 5 falls to 23
Great game, double overtime, came down to the last shot, the ball in Kemba Walker’s hands.
He missed.
It happens. Kemba showed guts in taking that shot — and as Michael Jordan would tell anyone — except in his Hall of Fame speech — he’s failed more than he’s succeeded.
Even the NBA’s Mr. Klutch, Kobe Bryant, has “only” made 31 percent of...
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The past is the past
I can barely remember a time when Green Bay wasn’t synonymous with Aaron Rodgers.
OK, I do. But forgive me the irresponsible use of poetic license.
But if the Packers win the Super Bowl (fuck it, even if they don’t), Rodgers is Beer Cheese Soup Nation.
Brett who?
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Know a pattern when you see one
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Williams vs Williams isn't quite Wilkins vs...
Marvin Williams takes a swing at the phantom Shawne Williams …
Next thing you know, Landry Fields grabs him by the back, and Shawne Williams was about to level him.
Thank god he got out of this one alive. Shawne Williams is a bad mother shut your mouth.
Marvin’s back just got healed too. Whew for the Hawks.
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The Enforcer backs down from no one
I’m glad Perk’s back and ready to take on Pietrus and Hakeem Olaju — I meant Marcin Gortat. Because I’m telling you, Nate Robinson may be tough and all, but he’s getting his ass beat.
Donkey’s fine in the second line, within mouthing distance, but out of harm’s way.
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KG overheard: "Dude I am not gay, it was an...
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Throat Shot? Y U NO EJECT?
Before anyone accuses Kevin Garnett of being an asshole for giving Channing Frye an underhanded love tap/touch bird — which obviously didn’t hurt because Frye got up immediately — check this Pietrus classic — a fucking punch in the throat.
Wanna know why I know it’s intentional? The clenched fist, duh.
Even Iron Mike Tyson — or John Stockton for...
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Is Evan Turner this year's version of Hasheem...
Guys picked after the Grizzlies took Thabeet in ‘09’s Draft: Brandon Jennings, Stephen Curry, Rookie of the Year Tyreke Evans, DeMar DeRozan, I could shout “Kobe” and go on all day, son.
Guys picked after the Sixers chose Turner: uhhh … OK, Demarcus Cousins and Landry Fields.
So, no.
Thabeet was a bone headed decision, where the Grizzlies were...
“You know you’ve reached the apex of Western Civilization when Robin Lopez is...”
– Bill Walton during tonight’s Celtics broadcast. (via veteranminimum)
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Proof that rubbing Shaq's head works
Steve Nash blocks Rajon Rondo’s shot clean.
Does anyone realize Nash is as good four years ago as he is today? He’s averaging 17 points and 12 assists, and that fool Robert Sarver says he won’t be traded. Boo. He could not only help a contender, Nash can lead a contender.
It’s obvious that Sarver isn’t building a contender — Hello Vince Carter...
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The wrong guy rubs Shaq's dome for Good Luck
Hence, the Phoenix Suns are clubbing Boston at home in the third quarter.
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Kobe's got air when he wants it
Kobe Bryant is currently sitting at 26 points, but the story is him passing Hakeem Olajuwon in all time scoring list.
In other news, the Lakers look like they’re mailing it in against the Kings.
But so are the Celtics, who are getting clobbered at Phoenix, BY Phoenix.
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Cleveland Countdown: 19 straight is three minutes...
Ramon Sessions fumbles into immortality. Barring a Nugget sized, meltdown, the Cavs will tie the ‘03-‘04 Orlando Magic with 19 straight losses.
Next stop, the Quinn Buckner-coached Dallas Mavericks.
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But can she play tennis?
Who cares, I just want to burst the bubble. Poor Andrea Petkovic must be feeling claustrophobic in there.
Remember kids, don't forget your supporters
But it could be that the shotput, which looks to be about five pounds, is actually made of Heavy Metal, and weighs closer to one ton (about 2,500 pounds). So forgive the exertion in “1273’s” face. He’s busting a hernia.
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Smartest Guy in the Room
The sign the boy is holding up is not meant as an encouragement to the Cleveland Cavaliers. It’s directed at the fans, “Let’s go, Cleveland.”
Hey, he looks to be about eight, so a minor comma omission is forgivable.
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Western Conference starters could have been better
Don’t make me start on Yao Ming, although I’ve accepted that with resignation before the voting even started.
Having said that …
With his 13th All Star selection, Kobe Bryant is one start away from the record 14 shared by Jerry West, Karl Malone and Shaquille O’Neal. The most obvious choice, for obvious reasons — although why he’s not the leading...
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Eastern Conference Starters hits the present,...
Loaded.
Voters got the Eastern Conference right. There’s some room for argument over some of the choices — but it’s just the nitpicking, bitter Celtics fan in me.
LeBron James has had a turbulent season, starting with the backlash he created with The Decision. People hate him. He’s a villain. It doesn’t matter.
He’s dominant in three positions...
WANTED: 10,000 strippers for the Super Bowl →
mncookies:
The city of Dallas is faced with the ultimate catastrophe: a massive stripper shortage. According to one estimate, the 60 area strip clubs in the area will need an army of strippers, 10,000 strong, to meet rising demand. They’re openly advertising for just about any lady willing to take her clothes off for cash and who happens to be in the Dallas area that weekend.
And you thought...
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?
When healthy, lefty Andy Pettitte has shown he’s got a lot left in his juiceless body. The man can still pitch. Reports are contradictory: some say he’s coming back; why else would he be working out? Some say he’s done; he would have committed by now.
The Yankees need him now more than ever. Their rotation is glaringly thin — but as GM Brian Cashman points out,...
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“Chuck’s delusional. He’s been in the game for a few minutes and yet...”
– Yankees President Randy Levine, after Rangers President Chuck Greenberg said his team helped keep Cliff Lee off of the Yankees.
This is getting interesting. The Rangers are creating a rivalry where none existed. While it hasn’t transferred on the field — yet — the public...
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KG's Beat L.A. shoes: Taunting the Lakers with...
That’s Boston’s all-time record against L.A.
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